Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
