theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Randomize
