What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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