You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
