tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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