I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
