Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
