Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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