I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
