drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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