Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
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