none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
