The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
