I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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