Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
