you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
You ate ashes out of my bong
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
