would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
