So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
