Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
