I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
