this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
