My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Randomize
