I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
