She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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