Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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