nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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