I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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