why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Randomize
