My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
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