I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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