You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
