My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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