Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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