Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
