My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
