just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Randomize
