Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Randomize
