Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
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