Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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