and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
