Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
