Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(480): View more from Arizona

turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.

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(203): View more from Connecticut

too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm

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(301): View more from Maryland

i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.

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(206): View more from Washington

i want to swaddle you in tequila

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(503): View more from Oregon

Just invented taco cereal.

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(503): View more from Oregon

some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'

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(619): View more from California

I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw

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(315): View more from New York

So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.

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(806): View more from Texas

sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat

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