I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Randomize
