Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize