you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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