im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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