You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Just invented taco cereal.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
