mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I wish you could order shots online.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
