OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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