I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
