she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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