I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Randomize
