Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
