I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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