if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
