it was like his penis was on wheels.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
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