why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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