first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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