remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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