I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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