dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
How external is "for external use only"?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
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