bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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