My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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