My first STD was from a foam party
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Randomize
