You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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