they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
