:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
