If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
