Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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