Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
