there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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