We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
