There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
